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[29 Apr 2005|03:57pm]
[ mood | ecstatic ]

Happy Deathday!
Your name:crowsdeathdream
You will die on:Tuesday, January 29, 2019
You will die of:Killer Bee Stings
Created by Quill

Killer bee stings? Maybe that will be my creative way of committing suicide!
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and all the world will be in love with night... [21 Apr 2005|03:12am]
[ mood | melancholy ]

"we are the only ones right now that are suffocating
we are the dying ones right now

as the water grinds the stone
we rise and fall
as our ashes turn to dust
we shine like stars" - Covenant

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[13 Apr 2005|03:10am]
[ mood | crappy ]

Feel Good Quote of the Day:
"I didn't want to hurt them, I only wanted to kill them."

Blah, blah, blah, blah fuckity, blah, blah, blah, blah.... Thats how my day went today.....

Well, thats not totally true. I watched Misery for the first time. Yes, I know, I know, so I haven't watched that many movies before last year. I read more of Henry Miller's Sexus. I'm almost done with it by the way. I wonder if the wild sexual escapades reported by Miller in that book was really experienced by him. For instance, Miller's wife went from being a sexless housewife that held her husband in total disdain to being a lusty libertine sharing Miller with other women while burying her own face in vaginal mounds. At least she did according to him. I like his decriptions of women while they are having sex with him. A rather amusing excerpt: "Slowly and furiously I moved in and out.

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Feel Good Quote of the Day:
"I didn't want to hurt them, I only wanted to kill them."

Blah, blah, blah, blah fuckity, blah, blah, blah, blah.... Thats how my day went today.....

Well, thats not totally true. I watched Misery for the first time. Yes, I know, I know, so I haven't watched that many movies before last year. I read more of Henry Miller's Sexus. I'm almost done with it by the way. I wonder if the wild sexual escapades reported by Miller in that book was really experienced by him. For instance, Miller's wife went from being a sexless housewife that held her husband in total disdain to being a lusty libertine sharing Miller with other women while burying her own face in vaginal mounds. At least she did according to him. I like his decriptions of women while they are having sex with him. A rather amusing excerpt: "Slowly and furiously I moved in and out. <Ah, ah..Oh!> she hissed, sucking her breath in. I kept it up like a Juggernaut. Moloch fucking a piece of bombazine. Organza Friganza. The bolero in straight jabs. Her eyes were going wild; she looked like an elephant walking the ball. All she needed was a trunk to trumpet with." What a singular way to describe the act of screwing. Yes, quite singular! This guy was a kinky bastard. If you can believe what he says there is a rather amusing part of the book in which he gets turned on while listening to his girlfriend tell a story about her getting raped by a massive horse sized dick. No wonder Max Caddy from Cape Fear was such a overzealous fan.
Oh, the perverts this world has given birth to....
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Feel Good Quote of the Day [12 Apr 2005|03:07am]
[ mood | lonely ]

Feel Good Quote of the Day: "Sometimes I feel like a vampire." - Ted Bundy

I've just been dying to use this one. lol

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[08 Apr 2005|06:42pm]
The Church of Euthanasia

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Under the World There's a Lot of Ass a Lot of Cunt- Alan Ginsberg [08 Apr 2005|05:53pm]
a lot of mouths and cocks,
under the world there's a lot of come, and a lot of saliva dripping into brooks,
There's a lot of Shit under the world, flowing beneath cities into rivers,
a lot of urine floating under the world,
a lot of snot in the world's industrial nostrils, sweat under world's iron arm, blood
gushing out of the world's breast,
endless lakes of tears, seas of sick vomit rushing between the hemispheres
floating towards Sargasso, old oily rags and brake fluids, human gasoline--
Under the world there's pain, fractured thighs, napalm burning in black hair, phosphorus eating elbows to bone
insecticide contaminating oceantide, plastic dolls floating across Atlantic,
Toy soldiers crowding the Pacific, B-52 bombers choking jungle air with vaportrails and brilliant flares
Robot drones careening over rice terraces dropping cluster grenades, plastic pellets spray into flesh, dragontooth mines & jellied fires fall on straw roofs and water buffalos,
perforating village huts with barbed shrapnel, trenchpits filled with fuel-gas-poison'd explosive powders--
Under the world there's broken skulls, crushed feet, cut eyeballs, severed fingers, slashed jaws,
Dysentry, homeless millions, tortured hearts, empty souls.

April 1973
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[31 Mar 2005|04:22pm]
Feel Good Quote of the Day: "Loneliness has followed me my whole life, everywhere. In bars, in cars, sidewalks, stores, everywhere. There's no escape. I'm God's lonely man." - Taxi Driver

The curtains are tumbling down...The axe is falling. Final thoughts and last ruminations have grown cold...Emptiness surrounding..The earth is black..black..black.
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[15 Mar 2005|12:48pm]
"That is not dead which can eternal lie, and with strange eons even death may die."
H. P. Lovecraft

Today I smoked opium in a smoke filled opium den with a giant grasshopper god while we had a deep philosophical debate over the ontological state of the universe. Oh, the wonders my eyes beheld! There were insects of all varieties, shapes, and sizes splayed out across the oriental carpets smoking dope, getting high, and crawling over one another in a clacking frenzied sexual orgy. Beetles, grasshoppers, caterpillars, cockroaches, and two flies drinking some foul smelling concoction that looked not a little like dark syrupy shit while they vomited all over one another in perfectly shaped crescents of bright purple goo. And you won't believe the arcane secrets that fell heavy and visible in colorful images from out that wise old grasshopper's mouth! He told me of how the Earth was created from the droppings of a primordial dung beetle and how the night sky is littered with the shining whites of octopus eyes! How I cried and trembled visibly as he reiterated the birth of humans beings from cockroach sperm! Oh, how he delighted to speak of how he once saw us, washed up onto the rocky shores of Mother Ocean, and how we resembled nothing more than frothy foam and pond scum. He spoke of how he found our eternally slow million year progress almost unbearable to watch as we crawled tediously along the shore and snaillike, sluggishly made our way into history. There he paused with a look of bemusement upon his wizened green face. He spoke of how he had been so surprised that those weak soft skinned humans had proven to be as resilient as cockroaches and as plentiful and bothersome as fleas. "But," he said with what seemed to be a gleam of malevolence within the spiral galaxies of his antediluvian eyes, eyes black and beady with eons of vast immeasurable distances and time, time spent outliving suns and planets, entire civilzations and, perhaps, even universes. "But what?" I inquired childlike and meek before this celestial being. Only a grin spread as wide as the Milky Way and as dark as a black hole was returned to me between wisps of trailing smoke as acid tripping crickets played in the background, their eerie music as hard to catch as my laughing shadow in the evanescent light of the waxing moon, waxing pallid and grey before my wondering eyes.

We talked long into the night that ancient being from beyond the stars and I until a female caterpillar with one thousand bared breasts and an absinthe inebriated ewok with only two small hairy ones took me to an ecstasy undreamt, nay, nor imagined before! Nay, my friends, nor ever even penned before! NAY, pleasures unimagined, undreamt of, NOR even penned by all the poets that have ever lived, NAY, nor will ever LIVE!

I was taken to the ends of the earth......
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Attack of the Evil Rabbits! [14 Mar 2005|01:59am]
[ mood | contemplative ]

Feel Good Quote of the Day:
-Q. "What do you think when you see a pretty girl walking down the street"
-A. "One side of me says, 'I'd like to talk to her, date her'. The other side of me says , 'I wonder how her head would look on a stick?"
-Edmund Kemper

Didn't do much today except watch movies and sleep. I have started the book Watership Down and have heard that it has some kind of connection with Donnie Darko. Watership Down has been entertaining so far. At least as entertaining as a 400 + page book with talking rabbits can possibly be. I find rabbits quite disturbing creatures. I don't care for any type of rodent, but rabbits just seem so creepy, almost evil. I actually think it was quite ingenious for Richard Kelly, the director and writer of Donnie Darko, to have had Frank dress up in that really creepy looking bunny suit because rabbits are absolutely diabolical with their long floppy ears and wide stupidly staring eyes. I've even seen some rabbits with pale red eyes glowing with a piercing fiery hellishness that seemed to burn right through me, exposing me in its devilish light. It's as if they have this internal darkness within them wrapped like serpentine coils around a core of rot and malice behind their cute and fluffy exteriors.
(At least most people seem to think they are cute and fluffy. I only experience feelings of revulsion and horror whenever I happen to cross their paths.)
One of my friends was telling me a story about an old woman she knew of that used to keep a rabbit down in the cold damp darkness of her basement. She would feed it veal parmesan and raw bloody hamburger. I wasn't even aware that rabbits would even eat meat. The rabbit grew bloated and obese. I think my friend said that it weighed about 40lbs or so. Anyway, my friend said that a number of children had reportedly gone missing in the neighborhood. After of few tense months had passed in which parents anxiously guarded their children and would not let any of them venture out immediately before or after sunset, the old woman my friend knew of died from a massive heart attack. The police found a horrible and gruesome discovery within the basement of the old woman's house. Here it happened that the old woman was luring children inside of her house with promises of sweets and candies. Then when the children had passed over the threshold of her door and before they could wipe the sunlight from their eyes within the dim light of her living room she would unceremoniously and brutally butcher them with a sharp kitchen knife. She would then proceed to cut them up into little pieces and feed them to her continually fattening rabbit who had not only grown accustomed to the taste of raw meat, but had also come to love it, to voraciously feast on it with a kind of gross ferocity. I can just imagine the slopping smacking sounds its fat and bloated lips would make as it would bury its long eared and nose wrinkling face in a pile of human gore, tearing, ripping, and swallowing the tender chunks of dead children whole.
True story....
For those of you who are Donnie Darko fans check out the offical website if you haven't already.
I just heard that the director's cut changes the beginning to have some INXS song instead of Echo and the Bunnymen's "The Killing Moon." Disappointing, but probably true because I had read earlier that they had wanted to include the INXS song in the film, but didn't have the budget to do so.
I will still buy the director's cut if only for the 20 minutes of added footage that was cut from the original version.

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Random Rant: Sick of whiny rockstars [12 Mar 2005|03:48am]
[ mood | irritated ]

Feel Good Quote of the Day: "Look down on me, you will see a fool. Look up at me, you will see your Lord. Look straight at me, you will see yourself."

Random Rant:

Korn. Where did these pretentious losers come from? Not only do we have to endure their banal, sycophantic, unoriginal, and sterile music in which all songs are performed with the same characteristic sound, plodding beat, whine and rhythm, but do we also have to tolerate their inflated egos and flaunted self importance as well? Lets start with Jonathan Davis. Who here is tired of hearing this walking, talking, and complaining pudgy pasty ball of overweening pride whine about how horrible his life is? "WAAAHHH my daddy touched me! WAAAAAHHH They called me gay! WAAHHHH I'm fucking porno stars! WAHHHH I've got world wide fame! WAHHHHH I've filthy rich! WAAAHHHH Waaahhhh WAHHHHHH!" I'm not crying because I feel bad for this twirp, I'm crying because while many far superior bands go unnoticed by the corporate gods of rock this self fellating dimwit is making more money than most people will ever see in their lifetimes and he is still putting on this act of being a "tortured" artist. Its a hoax kids, its a lousy, albeit cleverly crafted hoax created so that while you are squirming with teenage angst and anxiety you will innocently hand over your parent's hard earned money so that you can listen to someone you feel you can relate to. Its time to grow up and face the simple truth. Davis is laughing at you. You mistake his cries of hysterical laughter for howls of pain. The truth is evident to anyone who will open their eyes! No man who is screwing Devon can be this depressed and upset about his life. No man who makes this much money and has this much admiration from a fan base that Fred Durst would kill and rape his own mother for (in that order) can really be sobbing himself to sleep every single night with his dreadlocked head smothered in between Devon's silicone breasts just because his neighbor touched his pee pee when he was just a little boy. Sorry to shatter your youthful illusions, but its the sad truth.
And it gets worse folks. How can anyone support and give their money to someone like the wannabe "gangsta" Fieldy whose rather large girth(well, lets be honest, the guy is fucking huge) doesn't even compare to his bloated head?
Or Brian "Head' Welch, the drug addled guitarist that gave up a lucrative musical career for a collection of fairy tales? You should see this idiot's website: www.headtochrist.com
Excuse me while I go choke on my vomit.....

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Allegri- Miserere mei, deus [11 Mar 2005|09:27am]
[ mood | groggy ]

Feel Good Quote of the Day: "They tell us that suicide is the greatest piece of cowardice... that suicide is wrong; when it is quite obvious that there is nothing in the world to which every man has a more unassailable title than to his own life and person."
Arthur Schopenhauer

I have cause to be in a good mood, but I feel too drowsy and light headed. I have been afflicted with a horrible cold for the last month or so and it doesn't seem to be going away. I finally finished all of my homework for this week and I am looking forward to this weekend. I'm actually going to go out for a change with some new friends that I have just recently met. I'm also going to rent movies and purchase two large bottles of wine to keep me company for the rest of the weekend.
This semester has been a bit more difficult than last semester. I made two foolish mistakes that I will never do again. 1) I decided to take an online physics class. A big mistake even if it is conceptual physics and is geared toward liberal arts majors rather than for those that are going into science. Although I'm still getting an A in it, I'm not learning as much as I would in the classroom. The mathematics in it is almost nonexistent as well which actually makes it more difficult to learn. 2) I will never again take a computer programming class if I can avoid it. Its the first class I have ever taken that I have gotten a B in and if I don't get caught up with all of my homework its also going to be the first class that I get something less than a B in.
My math class is the only class this semester that has given me any real enjoyment. Of course, I find physics fascinating, but prefer the classroom over the Internet. Also, my physics professor is a real asswipe, fool, moron, fucktard and so on and etc and so forth. My math class amuses me because I'm getting a higher grade than anyone else (which is normal for me when it comes to math.) Everyone seems to find mathematics so difficult.
I think the most aggravating thing about going to college is trying to figure out what I want to do with my life. A part of me wants to pursue a career in science or engineering and another part of me would rather do something in which I would do a lot of writing. Like journalism. All the things I would ultimately love to do (like get a doctorate in philosophy or history) would be unrealistic goals. I would spend all those years in school only to get a degree that would not make me any money and the possibilities of even finding a job with it would be extremely slim.
Well, I'm off to sleep awhile....

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[10 Mar 2005|03:16am]

You Belong in the UK


A little proper, a little saucy.

You're so witty and charming...

No one notices your curry breath

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Fuck it. [10 Mar 2005|02:58am]
[ mood | cynical ]

Feel Good Quote of the Day:"Where has God gone? I shall tell you. We have killed him — you and I. We are all his murderers... God is dead. That which was holiest and mightiest of all that the world has yet possessed has bled to death under our knives.
There has never been a greater deed." Friedrich Nietszche

Hope. Its such a dirty word. It rolls off of my tongue like a wriggling shit speckled worm; offspring to a gigantic queen fly burning bloated and vile within my twisting insides, daily giving birth to a million writhing individual maggots called hope slowly eating my life away. Its slow painful torture, but it keeps me shackled to this empty life.

Okay, okay, things aren't that bad, but it sounded cool so I decided to go with it. lol

I decided what my new motto is today. "Fuck it." When faced with indecision or anxiety over a decision made its the best way to look at things.

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[06 Mar 2005|05:56am]
Feel good quote of the day: "If God were suddenly condemned to live the life which he has inflicted upon men, he would kill himself."
- Alexander Dumas
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Introduction: [04 Mar 2005|06:32pm]
[ mood | indifferent ]

Quote of the day:
"Human existence must be a kind of error...it may be said of it, 'it is bad today and every day it will get worse, until the worst of all happens'." -Arthur Schopenhauer

Hello boys and gals,

Welcome to my online journal. Of course, I don't expect anyone to read this, but I thought I might try to amuse myself by posting meaningless little tidbits about my life whenever I feel the motivation to do so.

Until I can think of anything else worthwhile to say....

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